In life theres always a special and unique day you will never forget. Like for example the day you were so happy you were accepted to college, your weeding day, the day your surgery was successful, etc.

August 15th, 2009 was a very special day for me. There was only 20% of happiness and joy in it, and the other 80% was all about sadness. But this day changed my life in the way how i wanted it to be. Up to now, i was always the type of person that would complain about small things, i was never happy about stuff and would think very pesimisticly.

It was a tiring night of August 15th. I rode on a 4 hour flight, 3 hour bus ride and a short train ride, while carrying a suitcase. It was the day I farewelled to my life outside Japan as a child. Which i will explain what kind of life it was from now on.

After taking a bath, i was still sad about life outside Japan. I enjoyed it so much i started to not care that i don't know my own country. But i prepared for this day to come. I kept telling myself that life in Japan wasn't that easy. But after listening to the song '366 days', about regreting something, tears started to fall from my eyes.

I had no idea why. All i knew was that the intro of the song had an imagination of snow falling and a girl like me trying hard to survive the winter she never experienced. That girl was like me, I lived 6 years in a tropical country. Even the coldness of spring makes me want to scream out loud, which meant i really did miss my days outside Japan...but why? I thought i knew that this day would come, I already reflected on my experiences outside Japan, while looking at photos from a long time ago. I was prepared to live the fast paced life....but tears still came out.

After minutes and minutes of confusion....i finally realized. The reason why many tears salty tears of mine came out one by one was....on the very last day,the afternoon of August 14th, my English tutor when i was in Manila said to me in a bright smile. "Oh you should be very lucky that you get to travel in all sorts of countries. Even i have never been out of this island" in a voice like she wanted to travel as much as i did. Because she teaches children from all over the place.

Thinking about that word, I did feel lucky to travel outside in all sorts of places. I get that alot as a daughter of a diplomat, ranging from close families to...people like my tutor. But......in a way i felt like feeling lucky to just travel around the world wasn't enough. As a person who took many challenges, there were many other things to appreciate about. When i feel confused like this, i always write it down in a paper to settle it. I wrote the challenges i faced, but also what i learned next to it.

some of the challenges I faced were-

Being far away from home, getting back to Japan only once while i was in NZ- but instead of going home, look around the nature in your local environment and identify it.

Having poor villagers around you in Indonesia-- but after looking at the way they live, you can appreciate even the little things you have right beside you. Look at what you have in front of you (a computer)....how much time will it take for those people to get it??

Balancing both English and Japanese..studying hard-- even if i did have to study twice as hard, and skip friends' birthday parties, I finally knew the importance of trying hard, and i now have to ability to speak both languages confidently.

there were mooooore other challenges and problems i faced, with each one that had a resolution to it. But just think if it weren't for traveling abroad, what kind of person could i have been?

i could've been the person who just doesn't want to see the other beautiful nature that is outside her home, because she misses home too much. With the bratty attitude of never appreciating their own life, and seeing the world as a small world. And doesn't know how important working hard is.......

My life outside Japan made me a person with complex and a wonderful inner beauty. I know think of the world as a huge world we share, that has many beautiful things to see that you should find out yourself...
but did i appreciate and felt lucky for being a person like this?
the answer was no.  
which is why, i felt so regretful and sad, that i wasn't satisfied to live this kind of life, when i was in those places where i had to face the problems. I just wish, i could start from June 1999, and be happy, be the type of girl that tries hard but smiles.......instead of being the person that would never be happy, inside her heart.

So even if my life outside Japan ruined my mental and self esteem, it was a life worth learning alot and alot of things.
Almost 90% of the good points i have, was all about my wonderful life outside Japan. Thanks to this wonderful life, I became the cheerful Aya, and that's what the name Aya really means- cheerful.

August 15th, the day the Japanese surrendered in World War 2,
and the day where i changed to the type of person where everyone around me wanted me to be...the in way i wanted it.

Last, i changed the lovely song of 366days into my own words. The original lyrics are about being regretful about love. But in my own case, it's about being regretful and happy, about my wonderful life outside Japan.

I am fine with that. I am fine with that kind of life.
Even if i knew i couldn't come back, I wanted to stay connected.
I felt like this for the very first time.
I could only go home to my home-country once in a year..as a mininum
Even if this wish couldn't come true, it just happens. You just can't see it.

I'm not scared now. I remember the culture and the scent of that place.
I wanted to smile and say "I'm really enjoying it" But now it's just too late.

i didn't know that living was this hard, if living like this was that hard, i really didn't know about it. But this life taught me all about it.

Thanks to that lifestlyle, there were many things i wanted to remember and many things i wanted to forget.

But even if i knew that i couldn't come back, I will never forget that kind of life. I will never ever forget about that kind of life. I will remember it forever and ever